I’ve always tried to approach chronic illness with positivity. I’ve never really seen the point of moaning, it’s not like it changes anything. At best you wind up feeling irritated and stressed, and at worst you make everyone else around you feel miserable too. Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about positivity and how it relates to acceptance, of chronic illness or of any other difficult situation.
The last few years I’ve increasingly moved towards an attitude of accepting my illness and the limits it places on me. I think my yoga practice has contributed towards this; we are always encouraged in yoga to show self-compassion, to recognise the limits of our body, never comparing ourselves to the person on the mat next to us but instead being happy with where we are on our own journey. I’ve spoken to many people with chronic illness who say that an attitude of acceptance has been crucial to maintaining quality of life, and until recently I think I could say the same for myself.
I read a book a couple of years ago called “How to be sick: A buddhist-inspired guide for the chronically sick and their caregivers”, by Toni Bernhard. It was one of the most positive and uplifting takes on chronic illness I’d ever come across, and had a profound effect on how I looked at my own situation. It helped solidify my desire to live a positive life, free from mumbling and grumbling, focusing on what I could achieve instead of what I couldn’t, and accepting my life exactly as it was, without needing the circumstances to change.
In some respects, I still think that this attitude has many benefits. If our contentment is reliant on the external world, we will never be happy. There is always something to be unhappy about. Sure, some people have it worse than others, and throughout the course of all of our lives we will have times when we have more or less to moan about. But things will never be perfect. Everyone has something in their life that is difficult, and as soon as one problem passes, we find something else to worry about. Taking a positive approach and focusing on what we can achieve in spite of those problems, allows our mental state to be greater than the sum of our external problems.
Recently, however, I’ve started to question whether acceptance can go too far, morphing from a positive zest for life into losing all expectations of ever getting well. And once you lose the expectations of getting well, hopelessness and despair are following not far behind. I’ve just finished a book called “You are the placebo: Making your mind matter” by Joe Dispenza (blog post on that coming up). It’s all about being your own placebo effect through the power of your mind. I know, it sounds like absolute hocus pocus, but the science behind it is fascinating and I’m totally hooked on the idea. Alongside that, I’ve recently had a few sessions with a friend who uses hypnotherapy and psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) with people with chronic illness.
PNI focuses on how the nervous system and immune system interact, thus creating links between mind and health. It utilises simple techniques like meditation, positive mental imagery and hypnosis to focus the brain on ‘wellness’. You remember what it was like when you were well, you picture what it will be like to be well again, and then imagine you already ARE well. PNI has been shown to be effective for a whole host of illnesses from psychosis to hypothyroidism, but it is particularly successful in infectious diseases, which is of huge interest to me given my Lyme disease diagnosis.
And this got me wondering. In order to use the principles of PNI, to convince my brain that I can and will get well, does this not require me to no longer accept my illness? I recently read this fab post from fellow blogger One Mountain at a Time: Why I won’t accept my illness, but I’ll accept the battle. She explains that the dictionary definition of acceptance is “to receive willingly” and “to endure without protest or reaction”, and therefore makes the case that she will not accept her illness, because that would mean no longer fighting it. This really struck a cord with me. For all these years I have been trying to accept my illness because I thought it was the best way to cope. But now, I am not so sure.
Since finding out that I have Lyme disease, I have been filled with a huge fire in my belly. I have a new drive to improve my quality of life, to get well. I do not accept that I will always be a sick person. I do not accept that this is the life I am destined to live. I am absolutely determined that one day I will look back on today and say “wow, remember how sick I was back then?”
But can we both accept the limitations of where we are today, while still being determined to make change for tomorrow? Or is it time to let go of acceptance?